I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
