I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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