Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's never too late to be topless.
Boobs speak an international language.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
