okay pat passed out under dana's car
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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