i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
