I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize