So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize