I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize