Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
