There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
