The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
