I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
