I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
two words: eviction party
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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