You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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