maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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