Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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