every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
