I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
