soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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