then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
