that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
