Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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