Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
