So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
