she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
