So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
