We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Success! We fucked roommates!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
