my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How naked do you want me to be?
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