At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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