Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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