It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
