dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The air was thick with penises
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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