do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
