What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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