even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
