So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ambien. No doubt about it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
