Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
try to milk me bitch
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