1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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