Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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