What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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