All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
