If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
