how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
