East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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