is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
