Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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