I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
