What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
