No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
