we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
