I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
