I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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