my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize