btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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