turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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