he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
