im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
