i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
