If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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