it wasn't lemon gatorade
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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