HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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