I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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