After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
