I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize