at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
