The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
