God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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