my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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