I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No subtext here. People are naked.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize