Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
