I wish I only lived at night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
