Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
