you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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