So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
