I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
