apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
