I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
