some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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