I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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