garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
