I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
