WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You ate ashes out of my bong
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
