I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
