Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
