I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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