watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
