wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
