he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize