So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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