hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
did you just send me my own nude
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
