I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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