Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
