she woke up with a sticky ear
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
