Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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