I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
