The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
only if we run a train.
done.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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